Back to reality

February 21, 2021

After a particularly hard breakup with my ex where she pointed out that I wasn’t living up to the values I wrote about, I took a moment to think about what she said. Until then, I thought of my blog as a way to share what I created with the world. What it really was in the end, was a diary. All the useful posts that I imagined myself writing, never made it online. I wrote what I felt like writing about and so most of it, was about myself.

I realized that I had become so self centred, that I deluded myself into thinking that a site about myself would actually be useful to the world. The lack of traffic to the site also bugged me since I wanted more people to see it. But what was underneath was the desire to be seen as impressive person. I was looking for validation about my life and my values. Most people did this with social media. But I wanted to be better and different from the rest. So I created a blog to do the same thing.

All of this left me conflicted. This was not the kind of person I wanted to be. Taking down the blog seemed to be the right thing to do to become more congruent with my vision for myself. So I did just that.

What I didn’t count on was missing the writing. I remembered how I used to look forward to it, especially back when I had to stop for a few months to study for a course. I realized that my vision for the blog was the thing out of place. I WANTED to make something useful that got the attention of people and more traffic. I WANTED to write about tech and more informative posts. But what I actually ENJOYED writing about was my life. It was my way of processing the events that happened in it and sharing them with my friends.

So I decided to re-imagine this blog as a shameless journal about my life. There’s not going to be anything here that will change the world or bring hundreds of people to it. It’s just me doing what I love, whenever I can.